


Season 13 Meta

by ladykjane



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Archived From Tumblr, Fanwork Research & Reference Guides, Meta, Meta Essay, Nonfiction, crossposted from tumblr
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-14
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-09-16 12:55:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 12,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16954440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladykjane/pseuds/ladykjane
Summary: Originally posted at https://kayanem.tumblr.com/post/166914731494/spn-13x03-patience-1-the-wraith-has-a-real





	1. 13x01 Lost and Found (Episode Reaction)

Not entirely chronological, but I’m taking my cues from the episode.

1\. The very first line kills me as Jack calling Sam father is a) heartbreaking, as Sam thinks Jack thinks he is Lucifer, and oh boy that’s a touchy subject for Sam, and b) foreshadowing, because I think this episode sets up Sam to take the father figure role to Jack and I’m so happy about that. Dad!Cas as a concept here has been bothering me, and that’s partly because it’s a role we’ve already seen explored. We know how Cas responds to feeling like an absent father, and I’m not particularly interested in seeing him return from the dead and be immediately placed in a parental role. Sam, on the other hand! We rarely see Sam as a father figure, and definitely never explored in any depth, and I would love to see where Sam goes with that in light of his character development last season.

2\. Dean leaving Cas’ body and shooting Jack without hesitation, oh my heart. I’m really interested in the dream sequence (?) we get here with Mary, because it’s a very odd inclusion. Are we supposed to think that’s down to Jack? Is it something else?

3\. Jack is very naked, and that’s a deliberate choice. He’s initially very inhuman in a very human body; his mannerisms and actions almost mimic angelic distance and disconnect. He becomes slightly more human once clothed, but I love that his change from possible threat to sympathetic and human is after he’s eaten human food. It’s such a fairytale trope, to eat from the land in which you find yourself binds you, and SPN has played with it before.

4\. The conversation with Dean and Sam in the car is fantastic. They disagree, but it’s not antagonistic, and I love that Sam stands his ground. It’s also the first indication of Dean’s grief and loss. It’s so satisfying to see Dean doing what he always does - suffer a loss and then hunt - but in a way where he isn’t using the hunt as a deflection or distraction. He’s completely stripped bare and the hunt is part of that, and he acknowledges it.

There was a brilliant discussion from the promos about the isolationism of this scene, and I entirely agree with it. It’s a good point to jump into something I loved about Dean’s grief, the visuals of this episode, and the way it treats the audience. Even from this early scene, we see how raw Dean’s grief is, and how he’s dropped all of his usual protective layers. But we see it from outside the car; the audience is left looking in, rather than alongside as we usually are. And we see this distanced viewpoint repeated throughout; Dean is shot from behind, or the side, where we are only permitted glimpses of his face. It heavily emphasises how private and personal this loss is for Dean. We feel intrusive. The loveliest example of this is when we don’t (initially) get to see him lash out and bloody his knuckles. But the show does something wonderful here, because it trusts that the audience knows Dean, and we do. The audience knows what he’s done, what’s happened, and again it underlines how personal the loss is. Even we, who know Dean so well, and understand/are sharing his grief, can’t be privy to this expression of it. Not until later in the episode, when Dean tells it to Sam and allows us access. (Although we see the historically personal act of Dean praying, but we do again also get a shot of Dean from behind, where we can’t see his face. There are still parts of his grief too deep to share.)

Telling Sam also informs us to how broken Dean is, that he’ll willingly give such personal information away when Sam normally has to drag it out of him. And it’s such a contrast to Sam’s grief - and I adore how we see Sam suffering the losses here too! - because Sam is suffering but it’s a grief we’re allowed to share. There’s also a deft but distinct difference between Sam mourning all the lives, but it’s Cas’ death that Dean is broken by. And he is absolutely broken; he rejects any pretense throughout the episode, he drops his protective “performance” layers, he doesn’t lie, he is completely no fucks left to give.

It’s well written too, because it’s hard to hit that level of nihilism without drifting into suicidal, but Dean isn’t that. He doesn’t particularly fight to live, as we see when they have the standoff, but he also doesn’t actively seek death or self-harm. There’s also the distinct difference to Dean’s previous responses to loss, as his actions here aren’t self-flagellating or guiltridden. Dean knows and accepts none of this is his fault, which is a testament to his character development, but damn it hurts anyway.

5\. That scene with the bloody knuckles (gosh, do I love it. The light, the blood, the alcohol, the way he stops and listens to her anyway) leads nicely on to BECKY and oh shit, you’d better believe that’s a deliberate naming choice. I see you Dabb. Talk about mulitlayered, that a story about a roommate manages to be so many things. It’s what it is, but Becky is the fans, and the fans take things and break things and piss people off no matter what. And yeah, I guess that can be read as a criticism, except it’s the bad guy saying it, and it’s not untrue anyway. But then she posits Dean as Becky and Dean accepts it, and now Becky’s the hero depending which side of the line you’re standing, but it’s still just about Becky the roommate that she never really had because she’s an angel anyway.

(Except maybe Becky is Cas, and that’s a parallel to talk about another day. Dean did punch something then light Cas’s stuff on fire, after all.)

6\. I love the Sheriff and her useless son who doesn’t die, and I don’t think it’s accidental there is a mother-son relationship entwined into this episode.

7\. Jack, you strange little monster child, you just got your Winchester pilot episode. Son with fridged mother seeks missing father with help from family and a heavy dose of defeating evil. I don’t think that’s accidental either, and I’m super into the line that SPN likes to play with regarding what makes a monster, so this could get interesting.

8\. Sam! Sam is wonderful in this episode, and his scene with Jack in the cell is so understated and good. Sam is this incredible combination of terrified, curious, brave, desperate, suffering, and mildly calculating. He sees Jack’s potential, both as a powerful supernatural being but also as an option to regain his lost ones. But he also genuinely empathises, and it’s such an interesting dynamic between them. Hence my hope that Sam is the one to take on the parental role.

*

LOVED this episode. It’s so multilayered and deft and subtle and beautifully, beautifully done. One of my favourite season openers in years. More like this, please and thank you Dabb.


	2. 13x02 The Rising Son (Episode Reaction)

Surprising grace notes, I guess? (pun not intended). Again, notes not chronological.

1\. Directed by Thomas J. Wright. I’m more interested in the visuals in this episode than the plot. The visuals/the directing/cinematography = clever and layered and gorgeous. Right from the start, in the Impala, Jack is pushed into Sam’s space on the screen whilst Dean is left alone. We actually get very few shots where Sam is in the foreground of Dean’s profile dialogue frames, compared to seeing Dean almost always in Sam’s. It really isolates Dean, whereas Sam is very much connected to Dean (and Jack).

THAT FIGHT SCENE. THOSE FIGHT SCENES. omg

  * It’s really fucking good in terms of tension and visceral brutality. 
  * Dean has lost a layer since the previous day. He’s down to Jacket + Henley. Loss of layers makes Dean immediately more vulnerable.
  * The dynamic shift from Dean being utterly in control to Dean being completely overpowered/out-fought is fascinating.
  * Feminine coding! Part of this is just that Dean is losing the fight, but there’s a distinct difference between Dean being beaten and bloody (masculine defeat) and Dean being physically manhandled whilst clearly struggling to fight back against a bigger opponent, who throws him on a bed before advancing. (To reiterate: I’m not saying this is a specifically sexual circumstance, but it’s using the echoes of that to amplify our understanding of Dean’s vulnerability.) (I mean, you can definitely code this as a sexual assault, I’m also not ruling that out.) Likewise, Dean is framed as small and lean, which Dean is NOT, but it again underlines how Dean is being outdone before Sam saves the day. 
    * So why _is_ Dean coded feminine in this scene? I’m not entirely sure. We’ve seen Dean being beaten in fights before, and we don’t need the feminine coding to make Dean’s fight scenes tense or unpredictable. My best guess is that this is a reflection of Dean’s vulnerable emotional state? He’s not on top form, things aren’t progressing as usual, and he needs to rely on Sam a little more to help him through this. (Because Dean isn’t always the protector now. Down with co-dependency!)
  * FIGHT SCENES, I said. I thought Lucifer and Michael’s fight scene was ludicrous, in the sense of archangels slapping each other round a bit isn’t terribly world-ending, and also it makes no sense for archangels to physically fight in vessels like this. So I’m assuming they went this route for the visual symmetry as there’s a curious similarity with the way Michael twists Lucifer’s arm, seemingly completely in control, as Dean did with the demon in his fight. It’s interesting to create that parallel between Dean and Michael for obvious reasons, but especially with the angelic/divine imagery around Dean in this episode (halo lights, angel blades, etc).



The overhead of Jack and Asmodeus is so strikingly reminiscent of 4x01, especially whilst they’re talking about raising soldiers trapped in Hell. (Unfortunately, once the Impala pulls up, the rest of this scene is … terrible. Shame.)

2\. Sets! Let’s start with that motel room. So much blue and red. I know the SPN Symbolic Colour Wheel has specific assignations for what certain colours mean, but here I think it’s more simply about the conflict. Red and Blue are visually distinct, contrasting colours, and makes the motel room immediately a scene of conflict. Sam and Dean are also dressed primarily in Red and Blue in this space, indicating the conflict is between them (which we’ve also seen previously). This is actually a great example of where we get differing symbology for the same thing as the corridor outside their room. The corridor sticks with the more traditional SPN colour symbology, as it’s a demonic showdown space.

There’s a recurring theme of visual threes, is obvious, but it’s still a nice touch: there are (prominently) three chairs at the table in the motel room, three beers at the table, the “3 Sheeps” sign in the bar.

Tangent: that mention of Dean hallucinating sheep. There’s a lot of interesting angelic/divine imagery with Dean in this episode, and it’s interesting that he sees sheep, like a shepherd. However. BRL typically set up a word-association line to foreshadow something later and I suspect that’s what the sheep thing is doing here. We get a simple lesson in association when sheep are used to indicate Dean’s previously hypnogogic state, and then later we get a giant Sheep warning whilst Dean is visually fooled by not-real bar staff. BRL are usually just that simple. (Can it be multi-layered? Sure.)

CAGED HALO lights in the bar! It’s a while, friend-lights, they were in heavy use back in S4-5.

The tattooist is a motorbike garage, so not legit. I really really love this tiny detail that the Winchesters can find a backstreet tattooist/mechanic.

The Western touch: The Black Hat Motel, the Black Spur bar, the shot of Donatello walking along the corridor with the coat and the hat, it’s all very Western. Cactus images in the motel room. 

3\. Costuming!

  * We get two contrasting uses of white in this episode; in the motel room, where Sam and Dean are wearing the Red and Blue of conflict, Jack is stripped of his “father’s” tan coat and is in white. In Jack, it’s childlike, innocent, and a signal of his potentiality. Particularly when stabbed up at the end. And then in Asmodeus, we get the white-as-evil as established way back in 5x04, as well as the White Supremacy undertones from the start of the episode.
  * That dark Henley. Oh boy, that’s Dean stripped of his literal layers, and devoid of his usual depth of colour.
  * Sam in orange! Orange is very much an Independent Sam colour.




	3. 13x03 Patience (Episode Reaction)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted at https://kayanem.tumblr.com/post/166914731494/spn-13x03-patience-1-the-wraith-has-a-real

1\. The wraith has a real old-school Winchester vibe going, with the lying about himself to get access (seduce the pretty lady), the layered costuming, and in his taste for supernatural. That last is applicable in both a metaphoric (the Winchesters are sustained by killing the supernatural) and literal sense (hi Sam’s demon blood addiction that is also a thing in this episode).

2\. Missouri’s death is awful, but personally and thematically powerful. I initially thought she was just straight up fridged, but on rewatch she actually makes a far more deliberate choice to sacrifice herself to save her son. It’s great to see her getting such agency! (Can still argue it’s fridging, sure, since it serves the same purpose.)

3\. On a related note, I really enjoy the ongoing theme in this episode regarding single parenthood. I like is that the traditional “mother-father-nuclear family” is not presented as a better option to single parenting, but actually that single parenting is more individual parenting. And that individual parenting can be done within a wider group of hunters parenting baby hunters. We get this most obviously with Missouri-James, James-Patience, Sam-Jack, but there is also a more understated version in Missouri-Dean, and then Dean/Jody-Patience.

4\. Patience, by the way? I love her, she’s such a fascinating/engaging/endearing character. More Patience!

5\. Sam’s actions in this episode are a fascinating contrast with Dean; Sam is living, juggling phone calls and cases and making plans to teach Jack, whereas Dean is simply existing, on standby like a machine. The stillness of that shot of Dean listening to music and drinking is so beautifully done. He’s waiting, drifting in time until he gets a call to action.

6\. Sam is so subtle a character he’s hard to write, but Berens nailed it. He prioritises and compartmentalises so efficiently. His careful intent to teach Jack so he can get Mary back, but ultimately empathising so heavily with him. Sam has traditionally used his own past to manipulate the cooperation of others, so it’s telling here that he doesn’t. He tries to teach Jack without revealing the parts of his past and himself that he’s afraid of. There’s a carefulness to his honesty when he coaxes Jack from hiding which sharply contrasts his panic moments before when he sees Jack is gone. The detail of Sam reading books to try and help learn how to teach Jack, because Sam has never had to do this before. We talk a lot about how Sam is oblivious to the roles that Dean took on for him, but actually I think in a self-centred way, Sam is painfully aware of the disadvantages he suffered in growing up with his brother parenting him.

7\. The fight scene omg. I feel like this is going to become an ongoing thing this season, because it’s so fantastic to see fight scenes that are a) so raw and well choreographed but also b) character development?! (Not that the previous seasons’ fights weren’t great, but this season is going next level.) I would love to do a complete break down comparing last weeks fight and the reality fight here, and Dean’s response to being attacked in both, especially with the overtly sexual overtones of the wraith. Suffice to say, there’s a distinct difference in Dean’s framing as vulnerable in the first instant and aggressive in the second, whilst in both cases maintaining the tension that Dean could lose the fight. Anyway, we get a lovely contrast here with two paralleled fight scenes in Patience’s vision fight and the reality fight, that also work as one extended scene. The rhythm of Patience’s vision fight is stunning, particularly combined with the music cues, with those short brutal deaths and very little time to process in between. The rhythm changes on second go around, literally so with different music. Even as the vision fight is changed in reality through Patience’s intervention, the tension still remains in reality as James and Jody aren’t killed but are still incapacitated, so it still falls to Dean to win otherwise Patience still dies.

8\. The final argument. Oh my gosh, there’s so much in that final argument that I can’t possibly do it justice. So much, even simply with the conflict between Dean and Sam being as much to do with their current state of grief and differing approaches to handling that grief, and where it now goes following this. Why must Bobo be so good at layers?!


	4. 13x03: Changing Generations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted at https://kayanem.tumblr.com/post/166944999996/changing-generations-missouris-death-in-13x03

Missouri’s death in 13x03 signifies the end of a generation of hunters, and that’s important to an episode where generational differences are explored. John and Mary’s generation is entirely dead now, and they’ve all made the choice to sacrifice themselves for the next generation of hunters. See: The Harvelles, Bobby, Rufus, Pastor Jim, John, Missouri, and Mary. (Mary is technically an outlier, but it can be argued that she shares the mentality of her generation and has acted on it recently, so, she’s going on the list.) We also know that there was a severe reduction in numbers via the British Men of Letters last season.

There’s a gentle questioning throughout this episode of what Sam and Dean’s generation will do now they’re taking on the role of the previous generation. It’s signified initially with Missouri’s call, and I think we need to note how important that was. She has no hunter peers left, so she chose to call the Winchesters. The equivalent would be the Winchesters calling Claire to take a personal case. It wouldn’t happen unless they either had no other options, or felt she was experienced and responsible enough to do so. It shows us how the Winchesters have grown, and how much those ripples of what Sam particularly did in taking the leadership role at the end of last season.

They’re also taking on the traditional roles we’ve seen before. Sam is quite clearly seen adopting Bobby’s role, at least temporarily, as a contact and backup from the Bunker, and Dean and Jody are experienced hunters in the field (with appropriate tragic backstories). It’s very interesting to me that we get the shock of seeing Jody and Dean dying in this episode. It’s a multi purpose vision, but certainly one of the layers is that we have their mortality re-emphasised; they’re older, they aren’t as fast or strong or lucky, and the more time passes, the higher the risk. I love that in the reality of the fight, there is still tension as to whether Dean will avoid the vision death. He’s still good, but it’s drawn out, it’s not easy. He’s ageing.

Speaking of appropriate tragic backstories, this is still a catalyst for creating hunters. Both Patience and Jack have lost influential parental figures in their lives through supernatural means, and are forced to confront the supernatural as a result of those deaths. Previous generations have done this in isolation, growing into the hunter community after they’ve chosen to pursue this path. It’s fascinating to see both Patience and Jack being given the support and guidance of hunters before they commit to choosing a path for the rest of their lives. I’m really interested in how this plays out with Wayward.

I love that we have a show that has lived long enough to explore this, but part of that is having hunters who have lived long enough to take on that mantel, and seeing whether they’ll make the same decisions as those who went before.


	5. 13x04 The Big Empty (Episode Reaction)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted at https://kayanem.tumblr.com/post/167103147584/spn-13x04-the-big-empty-i-wasnt-overwhelmed-with

I wasn’t overwhelmed with this episode on first watch, but as usual, Glynn’s episodes are better second time around.

1\. Dead wife, dead son, dead spouse, dead mother. I get the feeling this is a Winchester grieving theme. Interestingly, no dead siblings?

2\. Sam descends the stairs to Dean, coffee bribery in hand, and I think this scene is key to the whole episode. Sam lets Dean suggest the case and then brings up his real goal: bringing Jack. Sam knows Dean won’t say no to him, not when he makes it a personal request. Whilst it’s not healthy for Dean to do what he always does and relinquish his own feelings in favour of Sam’s wants, I do wonder if Sam is operating an ulterior motive here to get Dean and Jack to connect on Dean’s home turf.

3\. It’s striking that the immediately following scene is Sam being honest with Jack, in a way that feels very genuine. It’s a lovely continuation of Sam’s failed parenting in the last episode.

4\. Lying is wrong, Winchesters. Followed by absolute peak sunlit hair as they interview the neighbour. Please note the ties at this point? Sam is in a red tie, Dean is in blue striped.

5\. I enjoy the structure of the graveyard scene but I have some quibbles. Dean’s nonchalance re: John doesn’t feel right. It’s a low blow from Sam, and one that I’d expect Dean, even in his current nihilistic state, to react to in some way. But he breezes right past it. I’m not entirely sure if this is the writing or the direction (it’s a wide shot, it’s dark, we can’t see JA’s expression terribly well) but it bothers me. 

I do appreciate Dean rejecting being a mother to Jack though. It undercuts Sam’s accusation that Dean is being John, because nope, Dean is being Dean. Dean mothered Sam, and he’s parenting Jack as he was a parent to Sam. He just doesn’t want to do that again.

6\. Remember the ties? They’ve switched overnight. Sam is now wearing the blue striped, and Dean is in the red tie. I wouldn’t normally poke at a small costuming detail like this, except we never (/very rarely) see them sharing ties, or switching mid-episode. It’s a really distinct, deliberate detail, and I don’t know what to make of it. I’d usually lean toward symbolic role reversal, except that isn’t what happens. My only other thought is that it indicates that the Winchesters are not in conflict, but are actually just showing different aspects of a united front.

7\. And, united front, what a good tangent. My feelings about this initial meeting with Mia changed from first to second viewing; initially I thought it was just a strange scene that didn’t sit right, but on second viewing, I think that’s intentional. It’s not a genuine argument, although I believe Dean and Sam are using real emotions to fuel it. But their comments to each other don’t ring true. We haven’t seen Dean grieving Mary, we’ve seen him grieving Cas, possibly in part because he’s spent most of his life grieving for Mary so this isn’t a new state for him. Sam also had a fairly healthy relationship with Mary after she returned (moreso than Dean, at least), but he also doesn’t believe she’s dead so he hasn’t been grieving her. They’re being truthful in a very specific way that doesn’t acknowledge how they’re really feeling, whilst using their real emotions to get what they want. 

Guess who has a history of doing that? SAM. Manipulating the hell out of people by using his tragic backstory and feelings is a Classic Sam Move. We don’t usually see Dean playing along with this, but it works perfectly as Sam gets his opportunity to explore the house whilst Dean gets to stay behind and play Broken Alcoholic Dean. Which also doesn’t ring true; Dean’s grief isn’t steeped in alcohol this time, and even if it was, he wouldn’t drink blatantly on a hunt.

8\. Three things I like: I appreciate the Winchesters working with yet another monster. Jack wanting to speak to his mother and the idea that he is mostly empty potentiality right now. Dean getting taken out by Buddy (what a name choice) the shapeshifter (again, they aren’t invincible!).

9\. FACE PEELING! \o/

10\. The horribly abusive relationship between the shapeshifters is difficult to watch. And somewhat hard to parse in relation to the rest of the characters. Usually the MOTW reflects back on the Winchesters in some way, but this feels like a super harsh judgement if so. (John? It could be about John. John Winchester is a big shadow in this episode.)

11\. Jack saving Sam is a really really good way to win Dean over. There’s a lot happening in that final conversation between Dean and Sam, but I’m mostly interested in Dean requesting Sam do what he can’t right now. It’s a nice turntable on the start of the episode, and sees Dean actually asking Sam to take some of the emotional weight for once. That’s … character growth?

12\. The Empty. I really like this take on the Empty, I didn’t expect it but it’s fun. I love the idea of the Empty being sentient and pissy. I don’t have a whole lot to say about this because other people have said it better already. I kept myself amused all day at work by realising that Cas - now a confirmed Winchester - is technically a wayward son, and should by the rules of the song be at peace. Except Cas is literally the most FIGHT ME EMPTY VOID person in existence and refuses to be done yet. (peace or freedom, sweetpea!) So, alive he is. And most importantly, he has a new coat and tie so I can live my life joyously free of the potato sack once again.


	6. 13x05 Advanced Thanatology (Episode Reaction)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted at https://kayanem.tumblr.com/post/167352971864/spn-13x05-advanced-thanatologyhearteyes-1-this-is

HEARTEYES

1\. This is a brilliant cold open. I love the distinction of having two separate POV cameras, literally viewing the same experience through very different lens. The set is _gorgeous_ ; the level of detail is beautiful, I adore the “mental health” sign because hello recurring themes, and that stained glass window oh my gosh.

2\. I also love Sam. Last episode, Dean put Sam in a position of responsibility; Sam had to hold faith for them both, instead of Dean bearing the burden in his unchanging-rock state. Sam responds by having a complete meltdown and panicking in the most Sam way possible. By which I mean, he tries to be really nice about it whilst also being kinda manipulative and selfish, which are perpetual Sam traits.

This whole conflict is really well done right throughout the episode, and it’s so perfectly constructed from the off. It would be so very easy to make Sam into a heartless enabler, and to make it seem like Dean’s rejecting Sam and saying he’s not enough. Or to make it seem like Sam is just entirely about making Dean feel better, or that Dean’s just selfishly wallowing in his grief. But instead we get this lovely complex character motivations and flaws. Here as Sam gets the beer for Dean, he’s acting on multiple motivations. He’s trying to pretend Dean is fine for himself, he’s trying to make Dean fine, and he’s trying to make Dean feel better. Likewise, Dean makes it clear that he knows what Sam is doing (just like last episode, Dean knows when Sam’s up to something), and he refuses to play along. He’s _done_ being a parent for Sam. Sam needs to stop panicking and accept that he doesn’t need Dean to play that role for him anymore. 

(I’m just to stick a link here to my PBJ speculation, since hey, I got it right. It _was_ comfort food!)

We see this continued right through the first half of the episode. Sam is desperately trying to suggest Dean’s usual coping mechanisms - they literally even _swap identities_ on Sam’s suggestion, with the FBI badges - and Dean just refuses to engage. When he does suggest he might be drinking “a lot”, I feel like that’s more of a reaction to Sam than anything else. And likewise when the implication is that he did check out the stripclub, he did it without Sam, enacting his coping mechanisms independently rather than to indulge Sam’s enabling. It’s a subtle thing, but it’s important for Dean.

2\. Three friends who do everything together. Two die because the third left them because he was afraid. One of the boys who dies goes mute after trauma and he’s haunted into a empty endless depression land where he misses his mother. I sense a parallel.

3\. I’m glossing over the stripclub meta because there is already some brilliant stuff about that. But Sam’s lack of subtlety is kind of adorable, and I’d also like to mention that small moment when Dean can’t figure out if the doors are automatic or not.

4\. I love an old-school salt and burn.

5\. I love everything about where this episode goes once they’ve resolved the MOTW standard narrative. Dean’s decision to die is again so layered and complex, as he’s not recklessly suicidal. He genuinely believes Sam can and will revive him, but he also doesn’t _care_ about himself. It’s a good depiction of depression in action. Dean doesn’t actively want to kill himself, but sometimes, it feels like it’d be easier to just not be alive. Even when he’s trying to get out of the Veil, talking with Billie, he never argues for himself. He has to get back because Sam, because there are people who need him. He asks for the ghosts to be set free. And Billie calls him on it, because he has changed.

Billie as Death btw, amazing. What a library. Lovely monochrome. (I have to assume her Room of Lifetimers is in the back?)

6\. Gosh I hope they have to stop another Apocalypse. Give me all the cyclical narratives where they have to keep choosing Peace or Freedom. (Wow that’s a vastly simplified statement, but I’m being glib.)

7\. The final scenes at the house are so beautifully shot. The framing of Sam and Dean’s discussion with the backdrop of these tragic scenes of familial grieving and loss, with the emergency lights in the woodland. Which brings me to what I think might be my favourite thing about this episode. The show keeps taking us to an expected, familiar save-point, and then changing things. So I love how this scene at the Impala has Sam nudging and then when Dean deflects, Sam doesn’t roll over. He keeps pushing. It’s such a soft contrast to the beginning of the episode, where Sam is clinging to old patterns, trying to force everything back into familiar boxes. Here at the end, he breaks the rhythms of the past and they have such a great, honest discussion. 

It’s very deliberate and striking that we leave this scene focusing on the mother’s grief and her dead son.

Aside: I made a horrific yelping WTF when Dean said “I just need a win”, because wow, what brutal direct callback to Cas.

8\. THAT ENDING. Let me set aside my shipper hat and just talk about what a satisfying conclusion this is. We have an episode focused on how Dean’s depression is overwhelming him and how he can’t find a reason to live because all his foundations have been shattered. He’s at the lowest point since the season began, completely hopeless. Then he gets a call and we don’t need dialogue because the softly rising streetlights across Dean’s expression gives us all we need (what a fucking shot, honestly). The Impala rolls out of the darkness into warm, orange lighting with that giant white cross and CAS CAS CAS. It makes perfect sense that we only get a reaction shot from Dean, not Sam, because this is about Dean’s arc. Cas represents hope and faith and a fucking win against the universe, because Cas was dead. Not maybe-dead, like Mary, but definitely burned-the-body-dead. And yet, Cas is standing right there. Sam doesn’t get the reaction shot because we don’t need to see Sam’s reaction; we know he’s gonna be thrilled to see Cas. We need to see Dean’s reaction, because the episode has been building to this cathartic moment of hope. (I’m using that word deliberately.)

With my shipper hat on, of course I’m yelling Now Kiss (I mean, seriously). But, on a platonic or familial level, this works.

I LOVE THIS EPISODE.


	7. Season 13: The PBJ Speculation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted 2 Sept 2017 at https://kayanem.tumblr.com/post/164901548059/so-lets-talk-about-props-for-a-second-im-using

So let’s talk about props for a second. I’m using the term “props” loosely, in the sense of production design, because I’m not actually sure whether SPN has a separate food styling team and I’m also kinda talking about costumes. It’s somewhat irrelevant, the key bit is: Props are a facet of visual storytelling. Written narratives can explain a feeling or emotion with description. Visual storytelling relies on the shorthand of props to illicit the same response. Sometimes that can be with a continual recurrence of a prop to become a visual symbol for a character; we see this primarily in Supernatural with costuming, i.e. trenchcoat, plaid, layers, etc, mostly because the characters don’t own a lot of other props. Our emotional shorthand in SPN is in food and drink. Pie vs cake, alcohol in various forms, burgers and breakfasts. These are all used to amplify the character’s current emotional state.

This is a long winded way to disagree with the speculation that resulted from the recent Tapeball set pic that featured a PB&J sandwich. The consensus was that PB&J is specifically associated with Cas, and so signified his return. But I don’t think the PB&J sandwich does represents Cas. I think, in so much that it represents anything, it’s a shorthand for childhood, and in Supernatural, a specifically positive nostalgic childhood.

We’ve got multiple instances through the series of Sam and Dean associating PB&J with childhood. Two notable examples from opposite ends of the scale: way back in 5x16 (a Dabb&Loflin episode, so Dabb got form) Sam says to Dean “Man, I never got the crusts cut off my PB&J. I just don’t look at family the way you do.” Then we see tiny-child-Dean eating PB&J that Mary has made him in 12x22. And yes, in S9, Cas does get recurring association with PB&J, but it’s massively oversimplifying to say X = Y. Context is important! In 9x03, Cas has childlike tastes because he’s new to human experiences, and it’s established within the episode that PB&J is a source of kindness, comfort, and belonging (to humanity, and take that as you will). Later, in 9x11, Cas seeks it out as he wants the sense of belonging and comfort that the food offers. He tells us that within the episode. (There’s a discussion there as well about how Cas can’t regain that emotional state with the Winchesters whilst he’s an angel but, another day.)

Therefore, I’m a little more concerned about that set pic. Whilst there’s an off chance it could be Cas related, I think it’s much more likely that Dean is either a) SAD, and he’s making comfort food, b) regressing to childlike behaviours, c) mourning Mary (someone he associated with food and positive loving childhood, regardless of her assertions on the cooking front). If it is Cas related, I’m worried about Cas’ state of being at the time.


	8. 13x09 Changing Generations Part 2: Role Reversal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted 10 Dec 2017 at https://kayanem.tumblr.com/post/168401979099/changing-generations-part-2-role-reversal-i

I meta’d on generational changes in 13x03, so I love that Berens is back to it here with a multi-layered look at daddy issues that flips it right back around. The Winchesters now need to learn from their younger counterparts, and the ghost of John Winchester is looming.

We’re set up from the start to assume - just like Sam and Dean - that Jack has gone dark. The lighting as he’s introduced at the door casts him in half-shadow, giving him that traditionally ominous entrance. We’re meant to assume he’s killed Derek, and of course the Winchesters do as well.

Right after the Winchesters come to this conclusion and the scene opens for their discussion, we get the shot of John’s journal. Sam’s using it more and more recently (ok, I need a citation here, but I feel like it’s true?) but we don’t need the shot in this scene, particularly because we see moments later he’s been using his tablet for primary research. It’s there to remind us of John, because he’s such an influence on the way this scene plays out. Dean is in John’s position - literally behind the wheel of the Impala - and he’s framed exclusively from behind, uncompromising and confrontational as Sam is shown ducking his head, upset, avoiding the eye contact, as Dean posits to Sam that they have a family member succumbing to the dark powers surrounding him, and they need to prepare for taking him out. Sounds familiar? Sam manages to offer an alternative, we see Dean framed from the side backing off the confrontation, for now.

A short but relevant aside here: when Jack shows Sam and Dean the apocalypse world and Mary, Dean’s reaction afterwards is markedly different to Sam’s. We see Sam in the background, blurred out, but clearly talking and interacting normally with Jack. Dean, however, is reeling. He can’t focus. There’s a very physical reaction to the mental imagery, which is both a continuation of the way Dean’s mental health has thus far been portrayed this season, and a nice way to emphasise the impact this has clearly had on Dean.

Back in the car later, once they’ve got Jack again, and we’re into outright acknowledgement of father figures. Initially we get that spelling out of Dean’s new motivation. He’s guilt-ridden over assuming Mary was dead and abandoning her to Lucifer, and so getting her back is now entirely consuming him. Dean should not feel guilty about this, but it’s Dean. He’s come a long way, but he still inherently believes that inevitably things will get fucked up and he’s to blame, because John Winchester was frequently a terrible father. Dean thinks Jack would have been looking for his father because that’s what he did. Jack responds by actively and definitively rejecting Lucifer as his father, reiterating that his chosen family is more important to him. There’s an underlying thread here that Jack believes his choices make him who he is, not his genetic (… angelic?) donor. The Winchesters taught him that, even if they haven’t internalised the lesson themselves.

It’s no coincidence that we cut back to Patience here. Her whole B-plot here is set up for the next episode, but through the means of also actively rejecting her father. (Narrative mirrors ily bobo!) The voicemail from the start of the episode is key here for both Dean and Patience. It’s important that we see Dean leaving the voicemail for Patience initially; through his request he treats her as an equal, an adult capable of making her own decisions, and also as a valuable person for the skills she’s been made to feel should be hidden. It’s a sharp contrast to his interaction with Kaia later. And for Patience, Dean’s voicemail is the prompt to her realising her value as a psychic. Her father has always taught her to suppress that part of herself as dangerous and wrong. Here we see her choose to embrace that part of herself, and leave her father in pursuit of trying to save someone as a result. Her father who, incidentally, is portrayed as another terrible father. He has good intentions, but their final interaction is based on a threat, an awful ultimatum for a parent to give to their child.

Dean has to learn from Jack and Patience, and we see it culminate in his threatening Kaia in pursuit of Mary. Now, I love Dean Winchester, for all his flaws, and this is the most fucked up thing he’s done in a while. But it fits perfectly with the underlying themes in this episode. Dean is doing something we all know John Winchester would have done in his search for revenge. He’s detached, unfeeling, driven purely by his motivation to save Mary and without thought for Kaia. Most telling is Sam’s reaction. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Sam look at Dean like that; he expresses this sudden apprehension - fear? - that is almost as shocking as Dean’s threat, and then as Dean turns for the Impala, there’s a heartbreaking little moment where he ducks his head, almost deferential and scared, clearly avoiding eye contact. That’s Sam instinctively reacting as he would have reacted to John, and I think he realises it as Dean walks away.

I hope we see Sam and Dean learn from the Wayward generation. They both still need to let the ghost of John Winchester rest, because he’s been lurking in the background for … well, for 13 seasons, but particularly so in S12 and S13.


	9. 13x11 Breakdown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted 26 Jan 2018 at https://kayanem.tumblr.com/post/170167179629/spn-13x11-breakdown-aka-the-price-on-sam

aka The Price on Sam Winchester’s Heart, right?

1\. A cold open of classic horror tropes, done simply - that’s not a criticism - and really damn effectively. A few nice undercutting notes though, that fit in nicely with the recurrent cold-open themes this season. Despite being the almost stereotypical ‘young female victim’, Wendy isn’t objectified, and she’s portrayed as sympathetic and savvy as she suffers the sexually creepy cashier and the equally creepy (mostly male) diners. And yet, it’s somehow a surprised and a relief to see her actual capture is never given sexual undertones?

There is a palatable tension to Wendy’s scenes with the Harvester, and it’s genuinely awful. She’s just living a “normal” horror experience, she’ll never know about monsters, but she’s going to be just as broken after this as if the vampires had been directly involved. She sees nice Aunt Donna straight up _kill a man_.

2\. Sam in bed: OH SAM. This is one of my favourite scenes in _ages_. Such cohesive, coherent storytelling beautifully told without Sam (/JP) saying a word. It also sets up the episode so well. On a basic level, the audience knows Sam is a Good, Healthy, Well-Adjusted Man. He’s an early riser, he’s well rested, he’s well fed. He’s a good, caring brother, he does his job with care and attention. He ticks every box of Healthy, right? So we see the late start, no sleep, no breakfast, no response to Dean? It’s a simple alert: Something is Wrong. 

Great start, but the whole episode slowly unwraps the truth, which is that what we thought was Wrong is actually something rather different. We believed in that healthy version of Sam, because Sam works really fucking hard to be that person. And yes, seeing Sam go against the grain is an indication that something is amiss. But it’s actually a complete dropping of the facade of Healthy Man, and it’s a hugely important moment for Sam’s character development. Because Sam is NOT Healthy, Sam is just as broken and hopeless and tired as we always thought he would be. And just as we saw Dean be broken and renewed, we have to see Sam go through that as well. 

3\. Phonecall with Donna: “I know it’s not your normal thing” OH gosh that breaks my heart. The Winchesters have dealt with human evil before, but this conveys so much. A policewoman asks them to use their very real skills to help find her neice, no supernatural elements anticipated or suspected. It’s such a wonderful concept to have SPN become a procedural crime drama (with presumed-dead criminals as the detectives) whilst Sam is suffering a crisis of faith regarding their lifestyle. Not only is Sam struggling with his identity and the truth of what they do, but for the first half of the episode, Sam is forced to play yet another role on top of that usual facade.

4\. The sweeping shot of Donna seems like a good moment to mention how much I love the directing and cinematography this whole episode. It’s so gorgeous.

5\. Dean vs Clegg: Dean back to lying, but not quite lying. I almost feel like Dean would have clocked Clegg here - the way Clegg comes in aggressively asking questions, it’s immediately pushing Dean off and Dean is suspicious, inquisitive, lightly bristling but not angry - but Doug comes in and smooths things over, distracts Dean with Donna and talk of family. Clegg gets the chance to step back, reassess, plot, and re-present himself as willing to accept help. (Clegg knows them right from the start, remember. I think intially he was just trying to get rid of them, but when that failed he changed tack. Also: the last TWELVE YEARS? The whole length of the show, he’s been feeding monsters.)

6\. I adore the shot here with Sam hanging up his clothes as Dean is on the CB. We’ve seen this over again this season, this air of bleak domesticity, their deeply unglamorous travelling lifestyle. It’s so beautifully understated, and leads into leaving Sam so underdressed as Dean addresses that cold open. First: COMMUNICATION! :D Second: when Dean loses layers, it’s an indication that he’s vulnerable and exposed. But Sam, oh SAM. We think Sam is vulnerably underdressed? Nope. Dean assumes he knows what’s going on, attempts to offer comfort and support, but doesn’t really listen. And Sam, in his shirt, continues to deliberately, consciously, strip layers. JP’s reactions in this scene are goddamn incredible. Sam’s barely restrained eye-rolls, his smirk, his dark amusement, it’s so self-deprecating and bitter and a little mean. Sam says barely a word, just takes off his shoes and maintains eye contact, and it’s so wonderfully obvious that Dean is incorrect. 

7\. Doug talking to Dean about Donna: this is another lovely layer to the exploration of identity and presented versions of ourselves. Doug has no secrets, he is “normal”, he is untouched by the hunter lifestyle and the supernatural. He doesn’t pretend to be anyone but himself. Donna is the same, except Donna has been forced into a position where she has to lie to protect the hunter part of herself. That’s unusual for Donna, so Doug is concerned. By presenting Dean with the concept that someone who loves you could be concerned that you’re lying, it underlines this idea that normal people in relationships seek honesty to keep everyone safe and happy. It emphasises how the Winchesters maintain their carefully presented selves, for each other and for others, and how bad that is for them. Doug here represents someone who is really a well adjusted, healthy person. He’s not just pretending to be. He’s also a nice contrast to the toxic masculinity seen elsewhere in the episode. 

8\. Donna takes on the pastor: THIS SHOT!!! I literally gasped when I saw this shot. Firstly, because it’s no coincidence that we’ve already seen this room for several other scenes, but from a very different angle. It puts Donna front and center; we see this with her, in the room with her. We’re not hiding behind the mirror anymore. Donna is taking control. And this is rife with gorgeous visual foreshadowing. Look at the beautiful soft blue halo around the pastor. He’s innocent of this crime. Look at Donna, a blaze of golden light stood before the darkest part of the room, quoting scripture. She’s an righteous angel (“don’t lie to God!”). Look at Sam, shadowy and still, but in the angelic corner. Clegg right in the middle, shifty, overlooking the scene.

9\. Marlon actively makes me want to set him on fire, and that’s before knowing he’s a vampire.

10\. I have a feeling there’s something thematically relevant about the shift from purely human crime drama to supernatural crime drama but … I can’t figure out what it is.

11\. Donna reveals the truth to Doug: FISH! Oh, Donna. Oh, Doug. She reveals the truth, but she’s surrounded by fish. It’s not going to end well. (Gosh but I can tell Wanek’s back.) I’m leaving this note in because I’m fascinated by the use of fish as set dressing in SPN.

12\. This whole section where they go to find Wendy is terribly gripping. I wrote nothing because it was too intense. Plus: Marlon gets shot in the knee and then killed, good work Donna.

13\. All those fake identities, double lives, the facade of normality we present. Clegg kills a scant few humans to feed the monsters, saving human lives. Sam kills a few monsters, saving human lives. But Sam’s loved ones die too. Who does the most good? How many people did they kill by killing Clegg? Despite the fact that Clegg was clearly a bad person who took way too much pleasure in the deaths he was causing, there’s still a moral ambiguity in the actual scenario that lingers. 

14\. “Fine? I was a vampire.” Yeah, it’s funny, but damn if that doesn’t neatly encapsulate “normal” vs Winchester. Dean assumes Doug will be a hunter now, but the best Doug can do is reject this lifestyle and return to his normality. He doesn’t want it. He chooses to leave it. Donna had that choice as well, but hunting empowered her. Sam especially never had the option to be normal. Doug is the antithesis of Sam Winchester.

15\. SAM. It’s Sam’s turn to stop pretending, and unlike Dean, Sam doesn’t have salvation looming in the form of an angelic ~~husband~~ friend. Just as the first half of the season had Dean come to terms with his life and his choices, Sam has to do that too now. I can’t wait.


	10. 13x12 Various and Sundry Villains (Episode Reaction)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted 5 Feb 2018 at https://kayanem.tumblr.com/post/170552721259/13x12-various-and-sundry-villians-its-taken-me-a

It’s taken me a couple of days to rewatch this because it’s … not very good. It has some great moments - what I’m pretty sure will become classic moments - but as a whole, it’s a mess.

1\. Sooo episodes 11 and 12 were switched about, and boy does it shows. As a black humour comedy episode, this would have been … well, ok? But tonally would definitely have made sense after Wayward, as a comedic descent into darkness. As it is, we get this weird bouncing between plotlines, weird pacing, and weird as fuck tonal shifts. Sam’s development seems to have stalled after last week, and Cas’ timeline makes more sense if this had been episode 11. Speaking of, Cas’ plot has clearly been dropped into this episode to preempt 13x13, and would have been in Perez’s ep if the episodes had stayed in their original order. Its totally detached from the A-plot. But, hey, Yockey’s ep either didn’t reach time or was easier to chop up to fit Cas in, and they aired in this order, and I have to suffer this hot mess as a result.

2\. Cas’s arc is actually the best part of this episode. I love gives-no-fucks-Cas the most, in all his snarky deadpan simmering-fury wonderfulness. It’s deeply satisfying to see him valuing himself here, and using then rejecting Lucifer entirely.

3\. The music choices are so cringeworthy. Just … the whole combination of directing/sound/editing is so terrible and bad.

4\. Jaime and Jenny are such anvil-heavy Winchester analogies. Unfortunately I just don’t care enough about them to do an in-depth character analysis. They are however part of the reason I feel like there’s a version of this episode I could love; Yockey has a type of black humour I enjoy, but the dark comedy in the writing is Not coming across so well in the execution.

5\. I really appreciate Yockey tying up all those lose plot ends with Rowena but also, the scene with the Winchesters recapping deaths and grimoires is Awkward Exposition 101.

6\. The other wildly high point of this episode is the Sam and Rowena conversation(s). They’re walking this clever, delicate line between honesty and vulnerability, and it’s so compelling to discover that for these two, it’s Lucifer’s true face that terrifies them. I’m sure that’s because Lucifer’s true face is horrifically terrifying on a multi-dimensional level, but it’s also his true identity, stripped bare. Both Sam and Rowena survive by pretending to be someone other than their truest selves (mostly for different reasons, and Rowena accepts her own darkness a lot more so than Sam). Also: I am living for JP’s acting these last two episodes, Sam’s reactions are incredible. There’s this vague amusement as he interacts with Rowena (and Dean, last episode) that betrays the distance he’s developed. Sam isn’t allowing himself to be immersed in his own life or in the games, facades, and lies that they maintain. Identity identity identity.


	11. 13x14 Good Intentions (Episode Reaction)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted 2 March 2018 at https://kayanem.tumblr.com/post/171462700899/spn-13x14-good-intentions-part-one-a-random and https://kayanem.tumblr.com/post/171462867818/spn-13x14-good-intentions-part-two-an-assessment

Part One: a random selection of thoughts.

I love that this begins with Jack being accepted unconditionally by Sam and Dean, and then failing to save Dean, then Sam, from a fiery doom as they beg to be released. Mmh hell echoes.

Cas brings Donatello a breakfast he doesn’t eat. Dean is overeating bacon. There’s probably something in that, who’s the food meta person these days?

The Bacon Scene: Let’s talk briefly about costuming, because costuming is so great in this episode. I said pre-episode that Dean and Cas were almost on the same side but not quite. They’re facing the same direction but not on a level, not equal. Just to emphasise that near-alignment, Dean is in brown, like Cas. Sam is caught between in blue. Not quite the red/blue conflict but nearly, whereas Cas and Dean are nearly on the same page. NEARLY.

Fake!Cas and Jack at the Lake: Cas has his hands in his pockets. Clearly NOT CAS. As ever, I’m not a fan of a montage, but whatever, I’ll let it slide for fake!Cas. Anyway: Obviously this is fake!Cas, so it’s not really a representation of how our Cas is thinking. But from a narrative standpoint, here is Cas, framing himself entirely and solely as a servant (mentor, soldier) for Jack. And Jack comes back with: what about Sam and Dean? And the follow up, if only they’d learn to accept someone without their powers. Fake!Cas might be Fake, but he’s narratively mirroring the standpoint we understand our Cas is at. Thankfully Jack comes back with a good point well made, and he remembers reality.

MFC’s background reactions to Donatello’s pronouncements are beautifully laced with suspicion. He’s so sceptical. And Sam is so optimistic, because he’s willing to be deceived in his need to get Mary and Jack back.

Sam vs Donatello: Sam’s sheer understated competency is so lovely. And then he tries to use his patent Soft-Sam-Manipulation move and it fails, because Donatello has them squared away. Dean should be dead, Sam is using him for what he can get.

Cas vs Donatello: I love the way this is shot; the slightly disorientating shifting camera and cutting from person to person as they argue, to the smooth purpose of Cas stalking off to the dungeon. The way the sound changes as Cas bolts the door. Gosh it’s lovely. And then! Cas is naked! I mentioned immediately after the episode that there was an actual meta in this, and here’s the short version: Cas’ coat is part of his identity, and it’s symbolic as fuck that he strips to perform an angelic act that he doesn’t want to do. He’s putting aside his humanity, and we’ve seen him do it only a few times before. It’s also now a visual reminder of Cas-as-Lucifer.

It’s no coincidence that this is intercut with Jack doing the opposite; he deliberately rejects his angelic side, using his powers to save humans. He follows what he believes Sam and Dean would have done, compared to Cas actively rejecting what Sam and Dean want him to do.

Continuity appreciation: the effect of the tablet and discussion of Kevin, and of Soulless Sam.

* * *

Part Two: An Assessment of Thematic Elements

This episode is threaded continually with the ongoing S13 themes of identity; it’s all about exploring who they think they are, who other people think they are, and how those two intertwine with what the face they choose to present. It’s also about (mis)communication, but new Upgraded Miscommunication V2.0. Everyone is being honest, is telling the truth, but they don’t realise what they’re concealing.

Let’s start mid-way with Mary and Jack. As they first meet we get a perfect example of misperception and clarification. Mary says to Jack “You should be six months old”, Jack replies “I am”. That perceived identity vs reality has been a continual challenge for Jack through the series, but Mary cuts right through and doesn’t leave anything to assumptions. I appreciate Mary’s honesty here, and throughout the episode in her interactions with Jack. 

There’s also a whole series of conversations regarding Mary Campbell vs Mary Winchester. Her identity is discussed in terms of the decisions she made or didn’t make, but also how Bobby perceives her in light of the woman he knew and the woman in front of him. He asserts his trust and respect for her, despite not knowing her at all. Bobby then reframes himself in terms of who Sam and Dean are, who they thought he was, and who he is here. We don’t need this conversation for the plot, but it’s important for both Mary and Bobby but also helps the audience establish the differences of identity, especially since it leads to them discussing one more identity, and we get to see the immediate effect of identity perception. Jack is welcome, trusted, whilst Mary vouches for him as Winchester Family Friend. The minute he’s revealed as a Nephilim, he’s a problem. For Bobby, Jack is half-angel, and it doesn’t matter what Jack thinks he is. Jack then goes on to reassert his individuality, separate from what Bobby or Zachariah or anyone would think he is. Go Jack!

MEANWHILE, back in our universe …

Top of the Stairs Dean & Cas: Dean projects what he thinks Cas wants, Cas corrects him, yay honesty. Except Cas skims right over the “we needed you back” and takes it to “Jack needed me back”. It’s a moment of misinterpretation that Dean allows to slide, and he’ll regret it. He visibly shrugs it off, because Cas isn’t wrong, and of course Dean falls into the old habit of relegating his own needs. Dean listens, and he offers Cas what he offered Sam: unconditional support, the belief they can fix things as they’ve always done, the willingness to be the soldier that Cas needs him to be (just as Cas is being what he thinks Jack needs). They’re both being entirely honest but they’ve inadvertently lost something in translation, namely that Dean was the catalyst for Cas’ resurrection. They’re falling into old identities but it won’t hold up. Neither of them are soldiers anymore.

(Miscommunication, or mistranslation: need you, NEED you, it’s like a continual deconstruction of all the importance we ever put upon that phrase. What Cas needs is not that he’s needed, it’s for Dean to say that he missed him, he grieved him, he gave him a hunter’s funeral, and he wanted him back. Dean has to be able to grow into the ability to say what he feels, just as Cas needs to learn to hear it, and have we ever gotten past S8?)

Battleforest Dean and Cas: This scene perfectly follows their previous discussion, except whereas before it was Dean allowing Cas to misintepret, here Cas leads by misinterpretation and Dean actively calls him out on it. “Maybe you got a word wrong”. Then Gog and Magog get distracted by arguing, and Cas can’t/won’t translate for Dean. Finally, we see Cas is wrong about the angel blades vs the swords because mistranslation, and it nearly kills him. When Dean points it out, Cas dismisses it. The flaws of Cas’ assumptions will be his downfall, as they ever are (have we ever gotten past S6?)

We see the conflict of Cas and Dean’s relapsed identities as Dean is suffocated with Donatello’s magic. Cas cannot be objective. It ceases to be about Jack, despite his honest belief he’s back to serve Jack, the minute Dean gets hurt.

Team Free Will Revelations: they’re all hiding something, inadvertently, miscommunicating through honesty. Dean didn’t realise how Sam was using Donatello, Sam didn’t realise Dean didn’t know, Cas didn’t know Donatello didn’t have a soul. (A callback to that very early scene where Cas delivers breakfast. Donatello he’s entirely honest about what he’s doing, Cas is suspicious, and neither are sure or even necessarily realise something is amiss because Cas doesn’t know a vital piece of information about Donatello’s identity, and Donatello doesn’t know to reveal that.)

That Final Scene: The honesty of Cas owning his actions as Dean accuses him of choosing who gets to be saved (”Don’t you think you deserve to be saved?”). They all make those choices, at least Cas owns it. And Cas gets what they all need, at a cost none of them like. And then that final blow, “It’s like you said, whatever it takes.” Could there be a better summation of the misinterpretation Cas - and Sam and Dean - are suffering under? 

Team Free Will are all working to the same end, not in direct conflict with each other, but their teamwork is rusty, and they’re moving on different wavelengths. USE YOUR WORDS.


	12. 13x16 Scoobynatural: Dean as Fred

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted 31 March 2018 at https://kayanem.tumblr.com/post/172461056219/im-indebted-to-bluestar86s-meta-scooby-doo-and

I’m indebted to @bluestar86‘s meta “[Scooby Doo and Castiel](http://bluestar86.tumblr.com/post/172408082843/scooby-doo-and-castiel)” ([](http://bluestar86.tumblr.com/post/172408082843/scooby-doo-and-castiel)) for inspiring this train of thought. Particularly this:

Dean viewing Castiel as the Scooby Doo of their own Scooby Gang, means that he puts Castiel in the lead role - perhaps not the role of leadership (which is Fred’s place in the gang and Dean’s place in his own story)

Because I realised that Dean isn’t crushing on Fred in this episode. Dean wants to **be** Fred. A charismatic, cheerful leader who isn’t burdened by death or destruction, with a perfect loving girlfriend, who travels around the country while driving an eyecatching car that leaves everything in its dust, and who always defeats the villains with clever plans. Imagine Dean as a child, watching the Scooby gang. Fred is a version of the man Dean thought he could grow up to be.

The slightly resentful “hate” on Fred is reflective of Dean’s character development over the course of SPN. S1 Dean still thought he could aspire to being Fred; S13 Dean has different goals, and whilst he still has a nostalgic affection for Scooby, Fred represents what he failed to become. His attempts to woo Daphne are a continuation of that childhood desire to be Fred; Dean’s attempting to usurp Fred and take his role. Daphne is an accessory to Fred. Since Dean is aware of the narrative structure of Scooby episodes, and as soon as he reasserts his identity as Dean (and stops trying to be Fred), he also stops trying to get Daphne.

Dean’s criticism of Fred sounds like a compliment because it’s an aspect of Dean’s self-loathing (a flaw he’ll never quite shake). Not only did he fail to be someone like Fred, but Fred represents the person that he can’t admit he _wanted_ to be. So Dean overcompensates by being overly critical and as he fails to articulate his dislike, it ends up sounding like a compliment. On a similar note, Fred also represents a form of non-toxic masculinity, and as Dean aspires to Fred’s role within the Scooby universe, he does allows himself to do things Fred might do (like wear a gown for sleeping). Dean’s aggravation toward Fred is also resentment, because in this narrative/universe, men are allowed to perform a non-toxic masculinity, but Dean is not.


	13. 13x19 Funeralia (Episode Reaction)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted 22 April 2018 at https://kayanem.tumblr.com/post/173197362489/spn-13x19-funeralia-i-knew-the-instant-i-saw-this

I knew the instant I saw this episode title that I was going to love this. Yockey didn’t let me down <3

1\. I love it when we get Sam episodes, and was this is a Sam episode or what. Jessica the Reaper (I love her, btw) appeals to Sam’s S5 sensibilities; it’s all about keeping the wheels of fate spinning, accepting destiny, and allowing things to progress according to the ascribed narrative. And then Sam has to face the consequences of that, and he’s landed with the responsibility for another person’s life and death. What a fantastic continuation of Sam’s character development. Dean encouraged him to step up and be a leader at the end of S11, and now Dean sits back and lets Sam also face the less positive side of adulthood (damn, Dean is a good parent). You make your choices, you deal with the consequences.

I adore the Sam and Rowena dynamic (I don’t ship it. I can see how you might, but it’s actually more interesting to me without a romantic/sexual angle). They’re both victims of Lucifer, but more than that, Rowena represents everything Sam COULD be, and Sam recognises that. As he pleads with her at the end, it’s the rare time we see Sam genuinely afraid. He believes she will kill him, because he would have done. He _just tried_. Rowena is … ok, she’s still being a bad guy in this episode, but she has responded to her last conversation with Sam. She’s trying to be better. That moment that we learn Bernard is with her because he is both being paid and genuinely likes her, is so important rather than just a throw-away joke. It tells us how much Rowena is trying to change. And that’s important for Sam, and for their tied fates (because of Rowena dies at Sam’s hand, Sam can’t die until Rowena has). Can they change that narrative? Can SAM change destiny? Does he want to?

2\. I also love it when we get Cas episodes and GUESS WHAT. Shoutout to that “you don’t go to parties” comment because that is Peak Cas Snark, thank you Yockey for so succinctly showing how much you understand this character. It could almost be read as Cas being niave or stupid, but it’s just deadpan dry snarkiness, and it’s perfect.

From the minute Cas arrives at the Gates of Heaven onwards we get this beautiful extended exploration on how much he has changed, how far he’s come, and how little he fits in with Heaven now. Cas is visually distinct from the clean, perfect monochrome lines of Heaven; he’s in browns and blues to their white and grey, he gestures as he talks and he reacts to people and dialogue, he moves restlessly and fidgets endlessly as he’s left to wait. His body is his own, he looks lived in and real in a way that Heaven can’t quite match. He sits on the Throne, which could be foreshadowing or just a really wonderful indication of how rebellious Castiel, who questioned Heaven’s authority and rules, has truly left their ranks in a way Lucifer never could. It’s such a adroitly shot moment that it resonates as a subconscious action; he sits on the throne of Heaven because he’s _bored_ , and it doesn’t even occur to him that he shouldn’t.

3\. We get two scenes bookending the episode, which I’m going to call the Kitchen Scene vs the End Scene. The Kitchen Scene features Dean and Cas talking, to be joined by Sam, and the End Scene features Sam and Rowena talking, joined by Dean.

The End Scene is just gorgeously blocked and shot, with this incredible decision to have them all sat on the floor. It immediately reads as softer and more intimate; they’re all on the same level (literally and symbolically), they’ve all chosen to be invest in each other as a group, and there’s a sense of camaraderie, empathy, and shared history. Sam and Rowena have a honest conversation that acknowledges their past and future, and although Dean is held separate, he’s invited to witness and share in their conversation. Sam hands Dean a drink, Dean drinks it.

This End Scene is both an echo and a contrast to the The Kitchen Scene at the start. Dean and Cas are on opposite sides of the counter, they’re both being honest but neither is fully listening to or understanding what the other says. Dean acts as bartender, even though Cas rejects his offer, and the bottle remains untouched between them. As Sam enters, Cas modulates his tone and response to Dean; Sam is not invited to Dean and Cas’ space and conversation, and the dynamic changes. They’re all stood throughout, ready to leave at a moment’s notice, and there’s an undercurrent of frustration and conflict throughout.

4\. This seems like a good lead into honesty, miscommunication, and accidental omissions. Team Free Will have continually erred this season because they’ve forgotten to include a significant piece of information that they didn’t think was relevant. Dean didn’t tell Sam about Jessica the Reaper, Donatello didn’t have a soul, etc. It’s not narratively relevant other than what it tells us about the characters and how they think, their frustrating similarities and flaws. It also leads nicely into Cas vs Naomi, because Cas includes his thousand murders of Dean, something he clearly remembers and would actually be incredibly relevant for Dean to know, but something he has always omitted to mention as he considers it irrelevant. Likewise, Dean reiterates in the Kitchen Scene for Cas to not die, but again omits the fact that Dean will personally be devastated if this happens ala the beginning of the season.

Personal might not be the same as Important but SOMETIMES IT IS, GUYS.

5\. Oh yeah, speaking of, Cas vs Naomi. What a cathartic yet frustrating DELIGHT to have these two reunited. Cas’s reaction to her entrance is just sublime, and then he yells at her in the most incredible way, it’s such an emotional response that reveals so much about Cas whilst Naomi remains so calm and detached, and that’s the crux of their relationship distilled down to the most pure form. Cas prioritises his identity - his memory, his choices, and his agency - and oh yeah, saving people, whilst Naomi sees nothing she should apologise for. “Made me act out the murder of Dean Winchester”, WHAT A LINE, particularly in conjunction with what precedes it. Murdering Dean is antithesis to Cas’s entire identity. (NB: I don’t believe this amounts to Dean being integral to Cas as an individual, and I think it’s a fine line that is well balanced here. It’s about what Dean represents as a symbol of the things that Cas has been drawn to throughout his entire existence - humanity, choice, freedom and free will - as well as Dean as an individual being important to Cas.)

I don’t trust a word Naomi says, because I have no idea whether she’s just lying, twisting the truth, or being entirely honest, but any which way, this feels like a complete manipulation of Cas. Everything she says feels like it’s designed to push every single one of Cas’s buttons - his guilt over how he’s acted toward Heaven and other angels, his rejection of Heaven, his mistakes and how they’ve impacted Heaven - and nudge him back toward being a “proper” angel again. (This is just gorgeous storytelling, to go so deftly from the subtle undercurrent of defensiveness and conflict in the Kitchen Scene to this.)

Can we also take a moment to appreciate that as the great S8 villain Naomi reappears, Cas’ great S8 quest to close the Gates of Heaven is again achieved. What an exquisite reminder to Castiel that this is all his fault. (It’s not, but wow Noami, just hammer that knife a little deeper.)


	14. 13x19 Funeralia Costuming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted 23 April 2018 at

**DEAN ( & SAM)**

The colour of Death and the Reapers is black. Dean is visually aligned with the Reapers throughout this episode through his costuming, especially compared to Sam. He’s initially shown in dark grey and green plaid, which is fairly standard Winchester but also a little darker than Dean’s usual colour palette.  
  
The next character we see in dark grey and green? Jessica the Reaper. It’s a nice visual reminder of their (brief) history, but also Dean’s more longstanding connection with Reapers. (We do initially see Dean and Jessica in “matching” outfits when Jessica appears outside the Impala, but because it’s nighttime, it’s not really visible on the screenshots. But, it’s there.)  
  
In this same scene where they call on Jessica outside the art gallery, there’s another indication of Dean’s connection with the Reapers, but also his subtly conflicting feelings to Sam. Sam is in dark brown with the purple tie, not unusual Sam colours but surprisingly contrasting with Dean’s monochrome look. Dean’s rarely a monochrome guy, especially with ties, but here he’s back in the dark grey and black.  
  
Let’s just take a moment to include the Reaper who dies, because he’s in a black/grey combo that also echoes Dean’s outfits.  
  
Confronting Rowena, and we’re now into a much sharper contrast between Sam and Dean. Sam is in “normal” Winchester blue and brown, but Dean is stuck in the black and grey of Death.  
  
Here’s another nice shot that shows the colour similarity between Jessica and Dean’s outfits.  
  
Finally, right at the end. Sam and Rowena are in contrasting blue and red (Rowena is associated with Red right through the episode), whereas Dean is in very dark clothing, aligning him with Billie and Jessica.  
  
Even as Sam and Rowena talk right at the end, Dean is sat at the side, literally in shadows but also in much darker, more muted colours than Sam or Rowena. The colour contrast emphasises the conflict between Dean and Sam, but also puts Dean closer to Death.  
  


* * *

**CAS**

Quick note on Cas, but I really wanted to mention the amazing way his costume is used in this episode. Cas’ costume never changes, so it’s tough to use it symbolically, but they used that to their advantage here.

  
The angels are all in light monochrome and although distinct, their costumes are fairly uniform (trousers, shirt, longer top layer). They look pristine, the clothes are crisp lines, and they match the surrounding environment.  
  
Cas is in browns and dark colours, contrasting with his surroundings but also with the other angels. There’s a vague similarity in his costume to the angel uniform - trousers, shirt, longer top layer - but rather more emphatic differences. His costume is practical, it’s creased, it’s rumpled and lived in. Cas looks like he’s going to get the floor dirty and leave marks on the sofa. He’s real and human and he doesn’t fit into this version of Heaven at all.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most screenshots from homeofthenutty.com


End file.
